This Satirical News Blip Was 1st Featured On HumorOutcasts as Gwendolyn L. Spelvin.
Former Presidential hopeful candidates and father/son duo Ron and Rand Paul posing with a group they hope to join. Photo: The Paul Archives.
Cleveland, OH – Father and son duo team Ron and Rand Paul announced at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Saturday their bid to join renowned classic rock group The Mamas and The Papas.
In an initial press release, the Pauls said that they could have chosen to join any group from that era, but after a narrowing it down to Jefferson Airplane and The Mamas and The Papas, they decided the latter was a better cultural fit to bring a message into mainstream music overrun with monotone melodies and degradations against different races and gender in society.
Historically, The Mamas and the Papas are known more for their haunting melodies inspired by rampant drug usage which caused the initial lineup to split. Further drug dependencies derailed any comeback with the core unit, as did Mama Cass’ untimely death in 1974.
Since Cass’ death, the band reincarnations with several different lineups has been more known in the dive bar circuit than national arena. Their last political release “L-I-V-I-N” was done for the Dazed and Confused soundtrack in 1993 and remains unreleased.
The Pauls are hopeful that their past issues in the political realm will give them the strength and motivation to pursue a new musical endeavor.
“I think after a turbulent run at the nation’s highest office, this is a good transition to keep the revolution alive,” Ron Paul told eager reporters hounding him. “Nothing says fight the man like The Mamas and The Pauls,” he replied in playful banter.
Both political and music critics have slammed the father and son team, citing Donald Trump like theatrics in keeping their names out into the press. The Pauls, on the other hand, laud the criticism, saying that music in America has and always be the voice of the people.
“It works for people with no natural raw singing or playing ability and it will work for us better than any political pundit plan to look out for the best interest of the people. If we can get Crosby Stills and Nash to produce us, we’ll have a hit on our hands; the masses will follow.” Rand Paul said vigilantly.
In spite of being out of touch with contemporary musical stylings, the Pauls have also become out of touch with their own political party. Both father and son have been subjected to national ridicule on their respective presidential aspirations within the Republican party for alleged liberal leanings.
“Smoke a joint like the rest of middle America and all of a sudden you’re a commie bastard, even though all the good shit is sitting right up on Capitol Hill behind closed doors with Bonehead.” said Ron Paul. “Not too many people know that about their governance, the fucking hypocrites.”
While running in 2008, Ron publicly criticized the Republicans for endorsing John McCain, accusing the Republicans of slip shot mismanagement in not endorsing him for the party’s nomination. This year, Rand Paul’s bitter fight for the Republican nomination has been just as turbulent; he has boycotted several debates after lackluster party support led him to boycott debates that put him on lower tier tickets, guaranteeing no television coverage.
“They would rather have the guy that was a Gerber baby spokesman turned Vietnam POW hero in his mind to run with a bat shit crazy baby breeder than a guy like me with a brain.” Ron Paul remarked on the situation.
“No Republican stands a chance to win against any incumbent that realizes America isn’t in 1850. These assholes would nominate Archie Bunker if they thought it would get them white electoral votes.” Rand Paul seethed.
With little political motivation to stay directly into politics, the Pauls decided to let what’s left of their hair down, take off their suits, and join a rock and roll band to get back out there and understand what’s happening in the real America.
“This is something my dad thinks will help us reach the people,” according to Rand Paul. “Why be like Clinton and have a revolutionary rock group perform at your inauguration when you can join them.”
The Pauls said that both Owen Elliot, Mama Cass’ daughter, and Michelle Phillips have given them their blessing, and wish them well in their endeavor. Neither have any plans on joining them in performing.
At current press time, the Pauls are exploring venues for potential concert dates, even though they aren’t quite sure yet if they will be accepted into the band.
“We just have to keep on trucking while they sort out all the paperwork. But I promise you, the next time you see us on the Hill will be headlining a protest rally singing a medley of songs dedicated to piss off the Republican party.” Rand Paul said in earnest.
For more information, visit their website themamasandthepauls.com.