LONDON, UK – Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has denied telling four chambermaids he supported freedom of bowel movement, stating that he would never gander such a thing. As a staunch advocate of constipation, Johnson has been at the helm of instituting mandated bowel restriction throughout the UK in an effort…
Author: Articulate Madness
Okey Honkey Magazine & Press, the racially inconsolable literary consciousness for ingenue yuppies of cracker America, passed away Tuesday upholding life, liberty, and the pursuit of censorship in the name of wokeness. Sources confirmed the publication bit the dust scolding ignorant rednecks and Negroes alike without taking a breath, expiring…
This Satirical News Blip Was 1st Featured On PulpModernFlash. Barb Dwyer, an old washed up has been who was the irritation of local landscapers due to her reputation of unwanted physical advances, passed away Tuesday. She was found dead by her neighbor’s garbage can holding a discarded tube of glue,…
Fannie Patterson, an old loud mouth drunk bitch who was the ire of small children, has finally died on Monday in what those who knew her best hope was an agonizing, painful death. Her death was confirmed by celebrations throughout the neighborhood, with residents thrilled she is currently the devil’s…
DALLAS, TX – According to Texas governor Greg Abbott, Coat hangers are a gateway to abortion. That’s why he plants to defund coat hanger companies in a concentrated effort to ensure no abortions happen. This is why he has fired his current director of Health and Human Services Cecile Young,…
LOS ANGELES, CA – The Jacksons have filed a trademark lawsuit against Donald Trump and his transition team, claiming Trump’s ‘Victory Tour’ infringes on their legacy to the name. Jermaine, Tito, Jackie, and Marlon Jackson filed the amended complaint in civil court Thursday, stipulating that they own exclusive rights to…
Singer/actress Josephine Baker has become the designated first lady as a ‘political endeavor’ is made to show solidarity in gender equality and civil rights. Josephine Baker on the US $100 note. Photograph: US Treasury WASHINGTON DC – Josephine Baker will soon be the headline attraction on US one hundred dollar…
Man’s best friend is getting in the way of man’s best free extra-curricular activities. Last week I wrote about the draconian sex laws in the state of Michigan. For those that missed that piece, Michigan felt the need to include in their felony animal abuse laws sodomy bans, which under…
VIENNA – Due to a lack of qualified applicants, the Nobel Committee has recently announced the winner of the Physics Prize will be awarded to the first individual from any eligible nation that can successfully completely Angry Birds: Space without cheats. Roxio, who produces the Angry Birds franchise, is honored…
The time of hither and wither and thou art are a thing of the ancient past. In spite of a debauchery of sex, drugs, and murder, William Shakespeare’s works have never been a fun read. Between the language of Old English and the confusion over accurate translation, most students have…