This Satirical News Blip Was 1st Featured On HumorOutcasts as Gwendolyn L. Spelvin.
You get what you pay for with NoNameBus Company.
MADISON, CT – NoNameBus Company officials celebrated in jubilation this morning after it was confirmed the blizzard bus crash on I-95 en route to the Mohegan Sun Casino was not one of their charters. The bus company, which has had its own scrupulous issues with bus crashes of late, sent out heartfelt discount coupons to the riders of the crash for future discount tickets for their service.
Public opinion has been rough for NoNameBus Company, which operates a discount travel service domestically in participating countries. There has also been serious scrutiny with NoNameBus Company ridership over physical and vehicular safety concerns of their passengers being grossly overlooked. A repetitive climbing crash and arrest rate has become synonymous with service; sometimes both tend to happen at the same time during maiden voyages, leaving passengers in fear of their lives.
Sean Hughes, a NoNameBus Company spokesman, says this competitor’s crash is good in vindicating his company’s reputation. “Thank God it wasn’t us. Knock on wood. We have our operational problems, but so does Greyhound. Ask them how they flush toilets sometime. We might not know rain, but we know snow. Can’t say the same for them but we’re innocent this go round.”
At least 30 people were rushed to hospitals from the crash; NoNameBus Company has been proud to boast to survivors in courtesy adverts sent to their phones they have never had more than 20 people at a time needing medical attention.
“Those people should have been riding with us. Paying for luxury didn’t get them much but curbside service, now didn’t it? At least our odds are less than 20 injured every time!” said a sentimental Hughes.
In spite of avoiding a serious comedy of errors, NoNameBus Company was tight lipped on their most recent incidents. Just this past week a passenger was caught transporting over 20K of heroin across state lines, and a tailgating speeding episode in Florida led to a ditch crash which totaled the bus.
“Everyone has a bad, inconvenient passenger from time to time, but at least we didn’t tip over in a snowstorm for tailgating behind a truck,” says Hughes.
Don’t Ride NoNameBus Company, a twitter page that chronicles NoNameBus Company incidents, says the company has no right to sit back and ride easy. In an official twitter statement, they responded, “NoNameBus Company should take credit for accidents they didn’t cause. It’s only fair for the ones they do and get away with.”
NoNameBus Company is set to return to its questionable crash routine tomorrow.