Man’s best friend is getting in the way of man’s best free extra-curricular activities.
Last week I wrote about the draconian sex laws in the state of Michigan. For those that missed that piece, Michigan felt the need to include in their felony animal abuse laws sodomy bans, which under state law are defined as anal and oral sex, as well as state defined ‘other sexual acts’ like orgasms. Now this week Wisconsin has bested them with their new and improved sex acts.
Please note than as a Midwest chick from a state that borders Wisconsin I hold my head in shame while questioning has the South rose again in a different direction.
The state of Wisconsin, like the rest of the union, lists prostitution being illegal and subjected to criminal arrest; state law explicably states a prostitute is a person, regardless of age, that exchanges sex for money or other value. Ok, I get that for working purposes. However, their definition of the word prostitution and the word value makes the concept of the term questionable.
You can be arrested in Wisconsin if you are:
Any individual offering or requesting to have non-marital sexual intercourse of anything considered of value. Whoa. That right there throws the entire congregation out of the church, now doesn’t it? Consensual fuck buddies tend to eat before engaging in carnal lust for the afternoon, specifically with one person paying for both. Any spending of any money anywhere puts ‘value’ on it if you aren’t married. Got it. The dollar menu at McDonalds can make you a slut. Check.
Any individual committing, offering, or requesting commitments to an act of sexual gratification, in public or private involving the sex organ of one person and the mouth or anus of another for anything of considered value. This one really puts into proper perspective on what value is to some people. If you value an orgasm, and ask to give or receive fellatio or cunnilingus ahead of time to achieve that goal, the law says you’re a whore. My question is if you’re married how does that apply to you? If you have a hot sex afternoon with your spouse, and then they go pay rent right after, that technically is prostitution too.
Any individual residing in a place of prostitution, or a place where another individual is committing the act of prostitution knowingly or unknowingly. Geez. How are you supposed to know whether or not my roommate’s lover is giving them money or gifts behind closed doors for sexual trysts? Why is Wisconsin trying to make that other people’s business? I guess if their lover brings over a pizza before they get to the nitty gritty you’re a conspirator. Check.
Any individual that masturbates a person, offers to masturbate a person, or asks to be masturbated by a person for anything of considered value. This reaffirms the value and power of an orgasm. And quite frankly, if done right, is worth more than any food or financial compensation offered.
Committing, offering to commit, or requesting to commit any act of sexual contact for anything of considered value. So essentially, talking dirty shit to your prospective lover just went right out the window if terms and agreements are being reached. Totally destroys the sentiment ‘do me and I’ll do you back’ now doesn’t it?
Yes, I’m being snarky at the explanations of these statutes but they are real. Any gun toting patriot should be mad as hell at the infringement on their civil liberties within the Wisconsin borders. Prostitution and/or solicitation thereof is a Class A misdemeanor; conviction carries up to nine months in jail and a fine up to 10K and repossession of property. So if you’re thinking about going parking and having a steamy windows make out session, kiss that car goodbye.
How the charges are interpreted is left up to the arresting officer and the courts, and that is a scary place for any person in that state to be in. Being forced to prove that empty fast food burger container was not payment for sexual services rendered if stopped by a cop trying to make quota makes the victim guilty until proven innocent.
Now here is the kicker; you’re considered an escort if you provide companionship for an individual to social affairs, entertainment purposes, or any other all-purpose activity. This is legal in Wisconsin as long as you do not touch in any capacity and lesser enforced to some degree. Most cities there passed ordinances mandating any and all escorts and related services obtain a license of said municipality and pay a fee to be within legal law statute of their locale. This includes, but is not limited to, Milwaukee, Madison, Green Bay, Appleton, and Weston.
So let me get this straight, if you’re not married in Wisconsin you’re a whore waiting to be busted, and if you are single you’re an escort having to pay for the privilege. Sounds completely legit to me. Scott Walker’s Koch Brothers Wisconsin, where heathens are chastised and life is great.
I just want to know how many law enforcement officers are going to be held accountable to this when they get hard-ons at all the ticket revenue they can generate in the free for all enforcing frenzy that will follow once money gets tight and they have to make quota.
My grandmother said for years that everyone has to pay to play. Damn if she wasn’t right.